BREAKING: Governor of Yunan Province Assassinated by Chinese Cabinet
It has been confirmed that Chen Hao has been assassinated by his government counterparts.
The public ponders whether his brother will accede to fill his position.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
BREAKING: Governor of Yunan Province Assassinated by Chinese Cabinet
BREAKING: Governor of Yunan Province Assassinated by Chinese Cabinet
It has been confirmed that Chen Hao has been assassinated by his government counterparts.
The public ponders whether his brother will accede to fill his position.
Obama Allows Emotion Over Bo to Affect His Decisions
Obama Allows Emotion Over Bo to Affect His Decisions
Fox News Online
America's favorite pooch, Bo Obama, was recently kidnapped by ISEA. To this, Obama released a statement concerning the safety of the "First Dog" as well as how this incident and the rest of the recent events has affected his family.
The President seems to be very emotional in this incident and has taken more command now for his dog than we have seen since the crisis has begun.
The President has apparently opted to conduct a mission to secure Bo in the near future.
Glad that the President's dog is more valued to him than our nation.
MILF demands MILFs
Representatives of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front have announced their intentions to leave ISEA, for not being provided enough MILFs. They did not clarify what their requests were any further.
Press Release from the President of the Republic of the Philippines
Press
Release from the Presidnet of the Republic of the Philippines
As the new President, I have several new policies to make.
1. Mar Roxas and Alberto del Rosario are both to be tried
for treason by a military court.
2. Martial law is now declared for the foreseeable future.
3. The Flag Officer of the Philippine Navy is now being
transferred to the office of NICA Director.
4. Commanding General Iriberri is now Chief of Staff of the
Armed Forces.
5. As President, I now order that a 100-foot-tall statue of
me be created in gold.
6. I order that a "National 5-Hour Energy Reserve"
be created, never to contain less than two million gallons of Berry
extra-Strength 55-Hour at any time.
7. I order my wife to please, please, please reconsider and
take me back. VILMA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Love and hugs,
President-General-Demigod Gregorio P. Catapang The Conqueror
BREAKING: Mar Roxas and Albert del Rosario Arrested, New Military Dictatorship Established
BREAKING: Mar Roxas and Albert del Rosario Arrested, New Military Dictatorship Established
In a shocking turn of events, the new President of the Philippines and the Secretary of Foreign Affairs have been arrested in yet another coup.
There is a pending military trial for the assassination of former President Benigno Aquino III.
A new military dictatorship under the Chief of Staff Gregorio Catapang has been established.
China Invades City of Vinh
CNN
Reports have confirmed that Chinese forces have invaded into the Vietnamese city of Vinh. Vietnamese air forces have been severely crippled.
Press Release from President Obama
press
release from President Obama
Given the
recent escalation of conflict between China and Vietnam, the United States is
prepared bring peace to the region at all costs. Over three thousand lives have been lost, and my dog Bo has
gone missing. Just as I do not
wish for Sasha, Malia, Sunny, or Michele to be mad at me because Bo is gone, I do not wish for China and Vietnam to be mad at each
other. For this reason, we are
prepared to launch nuclear strikes on both China and Vietnam should they not
agree to a ceasefire and subsequent peace agreement.
We expect to
hear from both parties by 4:57 PM before we strike.
Thanks,
Obama
Vietnamese American Coalition Refuse to Serve Pho until America Intervenes
Vietnamese American business leaders throughout the country are refusing to serve the delicacies of the country until foreign military assistance is provided. Pho, Banh Mi, and Bun Bo Hue are dishes that Americans and other people around the world will soon be deprived of.
Is this the future we want? Chow mein and wonton soup?
Press Release From the CABINET of the United States
press
release from the CABINET of the united states
The United States finds
it appalling that Vietnam would engeage in such slanderous statements regarding
their massive assumptions of US support in their war with China. This situation
is a highly complex regional affair with both sides engaging in escalatory
measures that were unnecessary in retrospect. The United States does not
possess a mutual defense treaty with Vietnam and is in no way obligated to
assist Vietnam in the case of a war.
Press Statement from Vietnam
To: The United Nations, International Court of Justice
The following recent events have placed the State of Vietnam and surrounding areas in turmoil. All attempts at contacting the United States have resulted in denies to our plea for help. China has refused to communicate and our people are dying needlessly by the thousands. The massacre of free Vietnamese citizens is an infringement of human rights and nation-state right as laid out by numerous documents recognized by numerous countries including the United States. Foreign aid of any kind will be welcome with open arms. The people of Vietnam want this conflict to be resolved as quickly as possible. In the mean time we will stand strong and continue to fight for our motherland and if necessary, die for her; for we know upon resurrection we will be comforted by the godly visionary Karl Marx while reciting verses from the Communist Manifesto.
All Hail Karl Marx and the Glorious Nation of Vietnam
Erotica Nights Enthusiast, Avril Haines Now Appointed CIA Director
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2341008/Avril-Haines-President-Obamas-pick-CIAs-second-command-held-erotica-nights-Baltimore-bookstore.html
UPDATE: Erotica Nights enthusiast, Avril Haines now appointed CIA Director.
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