Press
Release from the Presidnet of the Republic of the Philippines
As the new President, I have several new policies to make.
1. Mar Roxas and Alberto del Rosario are both to be tried
for treason by a military court.
2. Martial law is now declared for the foreseeable future.
3. The Flag Officer of the Philippine Navy is now being
transferred to the office of NICA Director.
4. Commanding General Iriberri is now Chief of Staff of the
Armed Forces.
5. As President, I now order that a 100-foot-tall statue of
me be created in gold.
6. I order that a "National 5-Hour Energy Reserve"
be created, never to contain less than two million gallons of Berry
extra-Strength 55-Hour at any time.
7. I order my wife to please, please, please reconsider and
take me back. VILMA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Love and hugs,
President-General-Demigod Gregorio P. Catapang The Conqueror
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