Press Release from President Obama

press release from President Obama

Given the recent escalation of conflict between China and Vietnam, the United States is prepared bring peace to the region at all costs.  Over three thousand lives have been lost, and my dog Bo has gone missing.  Just as I do not wish for Sasha, Malia, Sunny, or Michele to be mad at me because Bo is gone, I do not wish for China and Vietnam to be mad at each other.  For this reason, we are prepared to launch nuclear strikes on both China and Vietnam should they not agree to a ceasefire and subsequent peace agreement.

We expect to hear from both parties by 4:57 PM before we strike.

Thanks,

Obama